mouse and weens

Hollywood vs housewife sisters fascinated by how people think.  a fun conversational podcast with heart.

Episode 69 - Sex Surrogate Partner Therapy with Paul Shaw

Sex Surrogate Partner Therapy with Paul Shaw, episode 69

LINKS  Find out more about our guest Paul Shaw, trained sex surrogate in partner therapy and intimacy coaching. His website outlines what you can expect to gain from scheduling a session with him, testimonials from past clients, and his contact information.  Center for Healthy Sex is a certified team of dedicated professionals specializing in sex addiction treatment and sex therapy. Their sex therapists have over 14 years of experience treating issues such as sexual dysfunction, porn addiction, love addiction, and sex addiction in Los Angeles. We provide both individual and couple therapy. They have helped people from all walks of life: young and old, men and women, and people from various backgrounds. They respect all races, religions, sexual preferences and orientations. If you or a loved one can benefit from sex therapy in Los Angeles, please contact Center for Healthy Sex today. You may complete their confidential contact request form or call them at (310) 843-9902. Your initial consultation is free. They can help you establish a healthy sexual relationship with yourself and/or your partner.

Alex Katehakis Podcast
To see the interview between Alex Katehakis, the clinical director for the Center for Healthy Sex, and Paul Shaw that Julianne referenced, please click here.

The Sessions: movie trailer
The Sessions (originally titled The Surrogate) is a 2012 American independent erotic comedy drama film written and directed by Ben Lewin. It is based on the article "On Seeing a Sex Surrogate" by Mark O'Brien, a poet paralyzed from the neck down due to polio, who hired a sex surrogate to lose his virginity. John Hawkes and Helen Hunt star as O'Brien and sex surrogate Cheryl Cohen-Greene, respectively. The film debuted at the 2012 Sundance Film Festival, where it won the Audience Award (U.S. Dramatic) and a U.S. Dramatic Special Jury Prize for Ensemble Acting. Fox Searchlight Pictures acquired the film's distribution rights and released the film in October 2012. The Sessions received highly positive reviews from critics, in particular lauding the performances of Hawkes and Hunt. Hunt was nominated for an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress at the 85th Academy Awards. USA release date: October 19, 2012 (Source: Wikipedia)


Sex Surrogate Partner Therapy with Paul Shaw

00:00:00 - 00:05:02

Hello this is Mouse and Weens. It's episode sixty nine of season three. Today we are going to be talking to sex surrogate Paul Shaw. You can find him at and you can find all of our show notes at for information on this episode. And here we go!

Together: Weens! Aha! Here we are! Here we are!

Mouse: It's Mouse and Weens. Welcome to the podcast. I'm Mouse I'm the mom, uncomfortable, suburbian (sic) one.

Weens: And I'm the really confident LA one who's single in the film business. That's how we're intro'ing ourselves. How funny. I know, right? Okay, we were just talking off the air - the old airwaves - about...

M: Let's put that whole run... I'm going to put that whole thing on Patreon because there's a million outtakes and it was kind of funny and...

W: No you're not

M: I'm gonna put it on Patreon. So when you get the chance, go find us on Patreon if you want to hear the real deal! (No!) Okay, anyway. It's on Patreon. Go to Patreon/mouseandweens. Whatever. Okay. So what's going on today? What are we going to hear, Weens?

W: This is appropriately titled Episode Sixty Nine. (Yes.) Entitled Episode 69 because we are talking about the the popular topic sex. (Sex.) You may have heard about it. You may have experienced it. You may be interested in it. It means we are appropriately going to segue into a conversation with a sex surrogate. Who is this...  I'm very excited. Paul Shaw. And I found him on the on a website The Center for Healthy Sex. He had a really good interview with Alex the founder of the Center for Healthy Sex Los Angeles which... A lot of people fly from all over the world to go check out. Go there immediately. Bring your family. Find some healthy sex. It's wonderful! No, it's really a good place for learning. I want to be serious about this. I know. I'm excited right now. I'm excited for this interview. I'm excited for meeting Paul Shaw. He is a really wonderful person and he's doing god's work, ladies and gentlemen. We're going to find out what it is. How would you intro into this?

M: I think that everyone needs to hear this. It's an interesting topic if nothing else. And then if you are dealing with any need for sexual therapy, understanding your body, other people's bodies... I don't know. It was an eye-opening experience hearing this interview. I wish I had been there in person. But alas, I was here on the editing side of it.

W: And on the mom side of life. You were having to deal with kid stuff (right) so you couldn't make it. But Paul Shaw helps with sexual surrogacy. Does anyone know what that means? Sister?

M: No. I don't. I had never heard of this until this episode. But you mentioned a movie.

W: So there's a movie in 2012 called The Sessions and here is it. Uh, here is it. Here it is. 'A man in an iron lung who wishes to lose his virginity contacts a professional sex surrogate with the help of his therapist and priest, William H. Macy. And it's starring John Hawkes and Helen Hunt. It's a very good film. I actually did see it. (You did?)  I'm always curious. I always watch things about sex and yeah. It's, you know, taboo sex, tarot sex, whatever.

M: You know what? We're curious animals and sex is interesting. And we all get to a point when we have the urges and we want to do it and we're married or not or we're single. Yeah, so it all all makes sense and...

W: That's very profound. Yes. (Just kidding. What an asshole!)

M: I'm sorry! I just... You know, I'm a mom. I keep thinking my kids are going to hear this so I have to, you know, relate it. Anyway...

W: Anyway. This is very important. I feel that we learn about this. A lot of therapists will get to a certain point with their clients dance and then maybe call upon someone like Paul Shaw as sexual surrogate to come in and help out with intimacy issues ecetera. Let's hear his interview. Here we go.

Weens: Hi.

Paul Shaw: Hello.

W: How are you? Thank you for coming.

P: Oh you're very welcome. It took some time to get together. But that's good.

W: You're a very busy busy man. Now, I do want to start with very quickly. What is your daily life like? Or is it always different?

P: It's... Well, I mean my base job - my day job - is being a personal trainer, bootcamp instructor. And then also I do intimacy coaching. And the main that I've just started started right now is I am a surrogate partner.

00:05:02 - 00:10:05

What is being a surrogate partners? Right say Sarah Partner therapy was invented by Masters and Johnson. You know they did that. Show uh-huh masters of sex on showtime so is those people and what they realized is certain men during their trials they needed substitute to partner surrogate. Right and you've heard of like a a surrogate you know for pregnancy. Right woman carries someone else's baby. Well this is a substitute for us ex partner and the thing is is sex is very little to do with it. You know you'll hear the word sex surrogate because that's what newspapers like to put on their front front covers but it's really surrogate partner therapy now. Surrogate partner therapy only works in a traffic model. Where a therapist calls calls me in to work with their clients? So it's three people connecting communicating. I can communicate via the therapist and we can go back and forth. 'cause paperwork spin signed so we. We don't violate hippo laws and essentially I'm there to teach them how to be a relationship. What's it like to go out on a date? How do I communicate my wants? My needs and desires. You know how many people have trouble just asking for what they want especially women because they don't feel like they're worthy gene. I cannot tell you associates. I cannot tell you how many women when I told them you're worthy to have this pleasure. Just start breaking down in tears. I'm the first person who told them they get they. They have the right. Wait to have sex can get into that later shut and some people. They use the word sex surrogate but sexist very little Very little I mean. It's it's towards the end because there is so much more that has to be done as far as helping people with their of a mental things because sex. I don't work unless the mental stuff is taking care of and keep in mind. I was a former born again fundamental. This fricken yeah. I was born again fundamental street preaching Christian in my twenties. Dick tried to shut down abortion clinics strip clubs all kinds. Though you're the ACA yeah I was. I was a Dick. That was doing it at a love but I was a twenty seven year old virgin. Who Married a twenty four year old virgin and I was still a virgin it almost thirty? Although his religion of an aftermath. Well no I was married for three years. Didn't have sex. She had vagit since we didn't know and we didn't say anything about it. Sadness is a type of anxiety around the muscles of the vaginal opening so whenever I tried to enter her it was stupid a bit painful super painful. There was so much in keep in mind she was raised in a southern Baptist household. Where if you touch yourself herself? You'd make angry so she never explorers. She never fingered herself. She never explored her Volvo at people. Active yelled at this which I also WanNa talk about. Yeah I mean a lot of your thumbnail. Christians Jews Muslims. It happens to a lot of women that come from those backgrounds and so the moment. They haven't touched themselves they don't orgasm. Feels like and some guys trying to put a penis inside them. That's a pretty traumatic event. And so but we didn't know what it was and and so how do you. How did you go from being married? What made you get into this world? Is it because she couldn't have sex and so he started exploring was start using regarding. This really is a long story shrink it to is it too much because we don't Africa superwealthy. I like to say that in two thousand five I was born again. Fundamental Christian obese fifty three inch waist car-salesman in hickory North Carolina. I I lost all the way changed my life. I discovered acting because I was into black and white thinking. I joined the Marine Corps because I had a chaotic childhood Marine Corps is Black and white. This is right right. This is wrong and then when someone started telling me about the Bible sorry to the Christians out there but you know oh I just do what the book says. I don't have to think I just the Bible able says this good. We're good to go and was your household was everyone like addicts of no no not at all my alcoholic but like we weren't into religion originating growing up but I grew up in the south so it was kind of everywhere but because it was so loose you wanted structure right wrong. Yeah yeah well. I had alcoholic. Father is chaos moving from place to place Lyonnais couch. You know 'cause we got kicked out of the House or whatever. After all the way I discovered acting now most people are like how on another actor I was thirty five at the time and the thing is is forty eight forty nine. But I don't look forty nine. Get your looking thank you thank you. I don't act my age but the interesting thing is is I will never forget. This is the moment where everything changed. We were doing a scene and we got done and I was like all right.

00:10:05 - 00:15:03

Let's do it again to make sure it's perfect and the art director looks at me and goes all honey. This is art. There's no perfect and that was the first moment of like. Oh I don't have to look at just black and white there's green and blue all these different risk hollers and I thought Oh and then I got into acting I went deep. I've traveled three hours one way for a class and then I had acting coach. Tell me I had to come to L. A.. I've been on criminal minds the sad card I did all those things have been commercials and the thing about acting. I like to say that it changed my life. Art Change my life. Stella Adler says you'll never know someone until you walk in their shoes so I got to walk in the shoes of five different kind of gay men whether whether it was the stockbroker who hadn't come out to his family to the guy in chaps on the Gay Pride Parade who is Super Feminine. What are you saying that these are roles they are roles still writing classes replays and so the thing is is not just one type of gain a an but five different kinds of different iterations of these different men because I got to learn what human was and when you start living thing in their shoes I played a trans character? That changed my life on June. If I never act another day in my life that role change I went Daniel Day Lewis on that role and it. I changed my life. I walked around the city as character I mean and this was in February. This wasn't like ha ha for Halloween. And that that moment got me understand people on such a deep level because you're in the makeup you're in the hair you're walking around La okay. You're not just that. I wrote him on Wan to come out to my daughter. Wow I had to discover how to put on Nail Polish. Because that's what this character struggled with Bo. Bridges played the carom Broadway and so badly it's called looking for normal. It's about a a guy who's married Has Daughter and he works in Rural Ohio to John Deere Plant. He comes out to his wife faster that he wants to transition and the whole plays by gender identity sexual orientation all these different minutia. It is one of the best place I've ever read in my life. Keep in mind. I was aboard again. Fundamental mobile parallel storing. Some way. Yet what do you mean. Well no I was looking at. You're gonNA say something else. Probably I was thinking of it as you are from small town from Hickory and now you're experiencing Explore your own sexuality. Is it similar in that way. Will I mean yeah well my wife and I eventually got into ethical monogamy. We started cutting swingers and then we became poly-amorous and all that stuff so the thing is you mentioned something about the parallel life. I think discovering art along with understanding sexuality and we met our first couple and they got us into it then I started taking classes says and more and more developing into that sort of thing and just learning and being at Stella Adler she said once you stop growing you start dying true so I kept growing. I all my friends in both areas in acting. Are you still pursuing that. Or is this sort of taking this kind of taken over but I I think I have really fallen one of the things that I had a mentor. He said you know you're going to become a great actor when you stop giving a shit about acting and all the stuff that actors have to do right and really in the last five years I've discovered who I ham and I love who I've become okay. I'M GONNA get a couple of my questions right. He did ended up at fire. Okay so so we can get near backstory. Who are your main clientele? I've got a client. She's a client a wheelchair. She's a sixty pound woman and You know twisted spine. The muscular dystrophy is contracted all of her muscles. It's just tearing her apart and when she was a When she was a little girl he told her while? You're not gonNA live pass eighteen. And then when she was eighteen they said well you're probably not going to make its twenty five. And then when she was twenty five they were like well priced price. Sex isn't going to be a thing for you and she was like fuck that and you know when she was thirty she found a sex therapist and that person brought me in to help her. And you know it's been work shopping. It's been showing her that she has the right to pleasure. She has the right. And it has no mobility. So we're figuring out. How can you give a hand job? How can you have oral sex and you know and so we are doing things like this the first time? She's a experienced aints this yet every day every session like we meet once a week.

00:15:03 - 00:20:02

We've done it for like twenty weeks prior another ten or twelve weeks to go as after she developed muscular dystrophy. See that she. How does she sat at since she was a kid so she hasn't had set you? The first person she has. I was the first person I mean. The the first thing I used on her was the my little pinky. Wow ooh you know. And how long did it take to physical Well she ready. Well I mean like for example. We started off with like kissing. What's that like? I've never never really been kissed like that before you know and also hey what can she do she liked to be you know. Grab the hair by the back back of the head right. What does that I feel like? What does that look like? We workshop everything and like how far can her hand go to caress my hand. How far you know? She can't even turn her head. So how does she get picked up. How does she get put in the bed? Where her knees legs everything? She has almost no mobility and so she doesn't even know how she would explain. Nisa communicate this to someone else because you so you're teaching her how to. I'm teaching her. How to use the words to get what she wants? Al also and the thing is is she has a ton on a fear she went on like fifteen grinder tinder dates and they all flamed out. And it's because she can't reach out and put her hand on the guy shoulder to show interest she can't and so she has to learn how to use her words and her sexual power and energy right if she doesn't come in confident like a frigging tiger tiger. Yeah the guy is going to be like well. I didn't really feel anything you know. So she has to learn how to communicate and it has taken us. You have have no idea how long and she's not want everyone. Well we like. I said we've ever done like nineteen or twenty. We have another tend to go at least and keep in mind. She meets with me once a week and then she needs With her therapist because she has the process. She's fallen in love with me right. She's having feelings so she has to process those feelings and eventually at the end of the process. Asas there will be a break-up. How do you feel about this well? Here's the deal. Her therapist came and made her admit to me that she had feelings. And how can you not. It would be. Oh No of course not no no and we don't. We don't we don't discourage that actually because for her to feel to be in love with somebody for them to be kind to them for them to respect their no to respect their boundaries to do do things to them they never thought would ever happen in her entire life yes of course our our clients are going to fall in love with us and you know when she told hold me you know. I'm you know my therapist is making me tell you this that I'm falling in love with you. I was like that is beautiful. Thank you so much I receive. Leave that law. That is amazing and I want you to know that we're doing this so someday you can fall in love with any man you want and go have any kind of relationship you want. That's my goal and the thing is eventually there will be a break-up and the reason why that has to happen is because they have to be able to practice disc and emotionally worked through letting another person go. They're going to have breakup in their lives. And they have. That's just as important falling in love is learning how to kiss as learning how to ask for what you want. What's it like to process and so there? There is a a moment when we have our last session. There's a celebration of of our time together and what we've learned and then she won't be allowed to contact me and I won't contact her for anywhere from six months a year. Two years and the whole concept is to push the baby bird out of the nest and so you know they've been surrogate partners have gotten in trouble for dating dating their clients married who I watch videos on this to the lady who is now married to twenty years well and and that's a different kind of case but the thing is is is after the first couple of years than you know if that's a thing but the it is in total It is so detrimental to that client to sit there and try to date them in the middle of this process. I mean you are like a therapist young around with yeah no it's exactly. It's terrible the clients on surrogate side are going to be more. I don't know fragile is the right word but I think undeveloped. Yeah yes thank you They're you know they're going to be more undeveloped They're we're GONNA have a lot more sexual dysfunction with the surrogate client. I am really holding space because every single day we are having huge. Oh my Gosh Josh. I never thought that was possible for them and for her sheets like her. Big Thing was penetration. Let's get to penetration. Let's get to Penetration Wo- do you even know but you're breastfeeding arrest. Feel like you know what it feels like to have your. Your stomach kissed Gino. It feels like to have your hair stroke. Do you know what let's figure out if you can stroke a guys here. Let's see if you can do all these things like we start off with like a hand.

00:20:02 - 00:25:06

cress where I Chris or hand. She's like let's get it. Yeah exactly but you know what the funny part is I was like. We're GONNA DO HANDCRAFTS exercise. I'm GonNa Crush Your Hand for my pleasure and you're gonNA enjoy it for your pleasure on Noxitril perform or or give you any kind of pleasure. This is about me. Believe it or not when it's done that way the other person feel super connected to you person's receiving and the funny part is I was like. Okay it's your turn she goes. It's three minutes. I don't know if this girl who wants to be penetrated. Get right to sex. But you can't even look into my eyes and Chris my hand hand that's intimate. I mean it's to do a lot of people they're like. Hey you can you. Can you know looking in your eyes even illustrate illest do it in the dark and the the really sad part is is I was like. Okay so where is this coming from. And she looked at mingas isn't so guys want emperor broke my heart. It's what we all do the terrible. It's terrible we just WANNA please the guy that has to stop. Yeah almost I'll say yes and a lot of guys they want to perform to. I think things like misogyny patriarchy those kind of things guys. They hurt us too. Vague damaged is even role to play this part. And if you're playing a part you can't be in in your body so that answer your those are the various but then I have. I have a twenty two year old woman who had a terrible experience agreeance with a guy who said he was a dom and abused her and then one of her friends said you should go see Paul because I'd like to give emotionally corrective experiences. And so she came to me to get cushy enjoyed the DSM right now. There was so much trauma around it so she came to me and I literally wrote down exactly what she wanted and we did that and she had a beautiful emotionally correct of experience and now she's able to go and have relationships and stuff like that because she needed to have that experience so she can move on so much is mental. I mean it really feel right now. The brain is your largest sex Oregon. Yeah I mean most people who have erectile disfunction. It's mental a lot of people who do or people who have Lost come control or Yasmine control will They men who've lost orgasm control and they come within. You know twenty seconds that's mental. That is something that needs to be worked. Don is usually a reason for that that oh it could be anything from trauma it can be anything from too much porn. It could be. I mean it could be a number of things. It just depends on where they're at and when they're in their heads right and they're thinking oh it's taking too long. It's taking too long long for me to have an orgasm if guys pro chip if you can create that space were. It's about the journey. If you get Morag orgasm great if you don't that's great it does not matter. It's about the journey now. If you're one of these guys that you know has sex. He goes ahead and has orgasm and then he falls asleep. Well that's not right either. We don't want that but if you can take up pressure off anyone I mean look if a guy it has a problem getting it up and he's thinking about the fact that he can't get it up he didn't get enough. Yeah right so it goes both ways so mental. Yeah it's all mental and the the beautiful thing though is I got rid of my ego when it comes to a woman have an orgasm but then it took the pressure off of me. It's not my fault I all I could. And that's great and so you know it's a wonderful. It still feels good. I can't tell you how many women I've been with and this is just personally who who have been like that some of the greatest sex I ever had. That's what they said. I didn't say that and they never had an orgasm. They didn't because it's almost impossible but for them because we were able to create that space whereas like hey doesn't matter just enjoy it. Enjoy the pleasure of joy how good it feels and for a lot of guys if if you have trouble getting erection do you know how many women love playing with a limp. Cock really I wish more men understood that you know for the right woman. It's going to be great great. And then they can take the pressure off himself and then they'll probably get an erection and said I had one person that was having issues and it just became it really was a self Prophecy and he really stuck in this idea that he is a person who it will never happen again. Sure a lot of our problems is we do get into our heads around a lot of female clients in the body work in surrogate side. Who are like? We'll good luck getting me out of my head. I'm trying to say less this phrase. I need to get you out of your head because we're going to be in our head no matter what and so I think a better way to say it is.

00:25:06 - 00:30:11

I need to get into your body. I want to get you into your body and Dan get you focus on your body and so that's what it's about. Why are people so afraid to be in their body? What I mean I know? That's a very general. Oh big sweeping question. But let's mindfulness is in full. We're not purpose vulnerability will that but we're also not ma. I mean yes you have that where am I taking too long am Is He gonNA look at the squish on my belly. Look down on me like and what look. I used to be a three hundred pound obese. Fifty three inch wasted car salesman in Hickory North Carolina so I got stretch marks always. I'm having to drop in so we all have those issues where we're always in our heads when it comes to you know we get flooded with seventy seventy thousand thoughts a day but we tend to hang onto that one about my stretch marks nor we tend to hang onto that one of his taking too long. Oh I can't get hard or we grab onto. That thought. Its Look Shakespeare. said there is no good or bad thinking makes it so that one of seventy thousand thoughts is no more important than any others but we he grab onto that and hold onto a like. It's Golic in a ring. You know my precious but yeah so that's where we're not mindful. We're we're not sitting sitting here focused on the skin that's being touched. We are worried about what the other person says. A lot of women will become performance. Live right and my looking the the right way and my moaning the right way is do I look okay because society told and they have to look like also yes exactly. That's what I was GONNA say because most guys is to have an expectation to feels yup. So the problem is the guys are being performed as well. Everyone is trying to perform this role. When it's like why don't you just feel your skin feel what it feels like to be touched? Feel the peach fuzz. On your back being stroked feel the nails and that skin. That's being touched. Those nails of your partner. One of the things I used to do is when I was having sex. I'd be looking at this woman and in my head I'd be thinking. Are we ever going to do this again. Is this last time instead of enjoying the human woman in front of me. I was worried about the future. So I was in my head future jabbing at future tripping right and so one of the things I discovered is I can dial into my senses of touch taste. Smell see her look at her is you know from the side. View is on my kissing her on the neck taster. If I can get you to focus on your senses you drop into your body. 'cause you're literally focusing on your senses. which are your body and so? That's just a protest help you and then to also help your partner. You know. We're lacking in a lot of touch in this world in so sometimes that's all you need is a little bit of touch non sexual touch. Yeah a green read okay. I've just done some deductive stuff here. Tell me if I might have hit on something you it seems like you have. You've a depth to you and maybe it came from somewhere in the Christian stuff as much as you don't like it or maybe there's something that but it feels like you really are. You're giving gifts to people you're trying to help the betterment of Warren and you're trying to say is your purpose to will. I am not religious Ryan. I'm a secular humanist. I don't believe in the supernatural but I like to say what I do is sacred and holy you know. If there's any spirituality rally in me that's it that's connecting that energy helping. Someone moved that energy and get it out of their body compelled to do that. I don't know it just kind of fell into it. Just I've I had lovers in partners. Were like you I would pay for what you just did to me. One Lady said that is some Voodoo so I like to say a lot. What I do is food? Do you even know what's happening to you. You know and so it's one of those beautiful things and you keep having people share with you their experience and you're like wow. I'm really good at this. I know it's just. I explore workshop every single client. I like to say I'm GonNa Learn something from you. That's going to be paid forward to help another human being. I've literally had women say I didn't even know that part of my body existed because they've never been touched there and so I wanNA know I wanna be curious about what happens if I do this if I do that. Oh look at this and you're just exploring and the skin around. Most women have never explored. Dad's what gets you hot too starts to build in. You're not going right in for it right every fucking meantime riots that I was like say. Hey guys there's mortar the body than the nipple and the right for those who don't know what the Volvo is is it is basically all the space on the outside of a woman that light hits so all the Labia and the clitoral hood that's called the Volvo the white hits it this the vulva.

00:30:11 - 00:35:10

Everything inside is the vagina interesting. Yeah as far as being able to explore you know I had a partner take take me to a tantric weekend. I learned about that and I learned how do the sacred spot massage in so I took that and worked on it it and then I added to it. I didn't stay in that lane a lot of people when they do talk to. They're going to stay in tantric lanes so I've had this one lever. She said quote I have been with some of the greatest doc indicators which are male female tantric practitioners and she said none of them have ever touched my insides like you just did and I was taken aback by it. But then I realized I'm going I am learning a thing and then I'm expanding on it. I'd like to say I like to Secular Contra because I'm not gonNa just stay stay in tangibly and I'm going to explore all these other things because I'm curious and that's how I'm able to find all these other things meaning inside. Yeah because they're trying go straight for the sacred by the G spot trained to do this and that in this but then I'm like what about all the rest of it in there that most people like I like to say. Yeah I'm GonNa Know Your Vagina better than you will by the end of a session right and and so explain similar though like you new evidence spots that you're not getting your as spot right there's a spot a case by G spot. The thing is is everybody is different. Everybody has trauma Intention in different parts of their body. Sometimes I touch a spot. Somebody's like oh my. Gosh that's a bone I'm like no. That's a muscle that hasn't moved in a very long time. It is tight height. It's not moving. It's probably why you're having pain when you do this when you do that. And so we have to go in there so everybody's insider different But you know there's always mostly there's going to be a cervix there's unless hysterectomy most women have an a spot and G. Spot and most women have love Vulva right. They have Inner Lips Outer Lips. And just let everybody know. Every Volvo is different some women have really big Labia. Some women have them tucked pinned where you can't even see them at all. Volvos are amazing. They're all different. Go on the Internet and type in Volvos and look at the images and you'll see either all different. Some of them have got like little pornos ruined at one now. Yeah exactly. There's different categories. At least they're amateurs fees his penis. If you have anything different right I mean like for. I like taking a picture of the woman's Vulva to show them. How amazing it is then? Then you decide like a serial killer. We probably haven't all up in your walls. Yes that's what I do and I have pictures but the thing is like some vulva. The Lips have uh-huh Nice Brown edge border to them. Some of them are pink. Some of them are Brown. Some of them are Brown in this space and the rest like some women who are Super Pale will still maybe have a brown on a vulva and so the thing is is let's give our I mean there. I had one woman. She had really big in her lips. And of course you hear a guy saying stupid things like Oh me curtains or any now. People get Labia plastic right now. Some women need it because it's painful right. They've they've got lady there so who long that it's painful they can't wear jeans. That's one thing but now people are doing. Look you can do whatever you want to your body but it really is sad. That women are going to do it because they feel yeah. They feel like they're inadequate that they're not enough. Then I try to tell women. There are websites dedicated to your Volva. Their website yes. There are full website dedicated to this Volvo right here. Well let's whatever why is it then that were signing up for this one one look. Yeah why are they driving that. Why not I mean what is that it just fashion week or rising so I mean it's it? Yeah I mean. Why do the fashion companies say you got to be a size zero or two or whatever to look good in this particular thing so it's just education at one of the things I like to do this? I learned in Contra weekend I like to. You know do I like to say pussy gays. I'm just GonNa sit there and look and describe what I see to you and some women cry some women. It's really hard to have someone with your legs. Spread looking gained like twenty inches away from it and describing it. And I I try to do it in a way. That's non-judgmental but I say how I feel like. Oh that's really pretty pretty. Oh I love this who I see the the like freckle you have on your thought but the thing is is for some women. It's the first time they felt seen the first time someone has just not wanted to fuck them but actually see them and it can be pretty powerful.

00:35:10 - 00:40:06

It makes them feel like they're accepted through something that so hidden exactly. And then you just have not saying I love it. You're some women have never even seeing their vulva. I have to break Outta I have to break out a mirror or camera and take a picture and let them see it and they're like holy crap. That's that's my ova. And then I have to go online and show them the hundred other evolves so they don't start getting insecure about. There's so this is so sad adam. And there's a lot of lot of women that I know that still haven't had an orgasm who are forties fifties who won't touch themselves. You just say. Oh it's not for me like that's just I don't need an orgasm or sex isn't for me. Or what do you say that because I find it crazy why would hit the biggest pleasure center nerve your body because women's sexual pleasure doesn't matter because they were told van or because could they just don't care I mean it is the Patriarchal Society Zion Right. I'm not it really is it. I mean they're just now discovering what orgasms and how that works. I mean it's taking because it's all about the man's pleasure right right Birth control is all about the women taking the pill or taking the shot or taking the IUD or whatever and so yeah. It's all about the guy is no one's really paid attention to what a g spot orgasm ejaculation kind of thing is. We're just discovering we're all that stuff is and so we just haven't really cared about women's pleasure is women don't feel like they're worthy. They've never been told they're worthy of having orgasms when it's young to be teaching Chan class for men in couples to come in and like. Let's educate you the way I've learned and what I've discovered and then you can take it home and see what you can do with it. How do you get that going? Because I mean it's so hard to get out of your door to do something like that or will is world that like what is it like. I literally have former lovers who were like. Let me know I'll be your demo. you can sit here and let people touch me so I could show them what it it feels like so I can help men be better lovers to their women. They WANNA serve women by helping men so I mean I've already got plenty any of I mean. I'm kind of Awestruck that when they will trust me and they would be like no show off my vulva so men know what it is teach them and so hopefully next achier will start getting that going so anything people come forward or I hope so I mean if the men will read my reviews and see what women have had with me. Then you're going. I've read your reviews. You're very legitimately doing good work out. Yeah I appreciate you wanting to promote me. The thing is is that especially for women like I said that one woman was like I felt like a loser for having a call you right for a lot of women taking that step to own their sexual power to stand in their power and lean into that edge really frigging hard. That's why it's surrogate partner. Therapy is not surrogate partner. Therapy without the TRIASSIC model without the therapists involved with. So if I do anything similar to that and there's no therapist involve intimacy coaching. You know it's different. which is what can you expand faster? WE'LL TC coaching. Is You know helping someone drop into their space. Would that look like whoa teaching someone to ask for what they want in a so you would meet them in. Just talk yet. Well I mean would you touch and help them with intimacy. Yeah it just depends on what they want. If there's someone who's never had orgasm I'm like all right. Let's explore what's going on before that. Let's explore. Well let's send you to a pelvic floor specialist so a lot of times when we go through trauma our body is just trying to help us out. STIFFENS UP THE PELVIC FLOOR A lot of PTSD from our soldiers back back in Iraq. They had super tight pelvic floor. So I knew a pelvic floor therapist. She would go on with her finger and try to massage Their pelvic floor. 'cause the muscles were so tight they didn't move you know. Where's the building floor yolks okay? Ns right in there yet. That's on women. You can kind of go into the pelvic floor a little bit through the vaginal opening kinda working there as well and let's see if there's tightness in things in there from trauma that are keeping things Sir not working you physically feel where maybe the tension just depends. If I do a you know I'm going to do the history interview. Ask them what their history is. What the relationships they should have been like and you know someone who's had trauma or they don't even know they've had trauma? Sometimes you something will happen. They didn't even know it was going to happen. And maybe I touch them in certain space on their back in a way that reminds them of their grandfather.

00:40:06 - 00:45:01

Raping them when they're nine and they totally forgot about it. Then we have a whole nother issue you so if we're GONNA do some deep deep work. I want them to have a therapist. Ready to go because they will have crashes or one one of my clients one time said no this was this was actually one of my. I got together about four or five women to test and to see if what what I'm doing is going to work before I decided to put say Hey I'm GonNa do this professionally and one of them was like yeah. There was a door that got baroque. Open that I didn't wanNA open and now I have to go deal with it. I was like I'm glad you have a therapist. I'm glad that you're seeing your therapist on Tuesday because this you're going to start the work right now so feels like the in. That might be important to probably. You're going to be helping windbreaker things open and the bodies holding. Shame you're helping with the body her whereas a therapist. I mean you're doing therapy but you're more doing touch therapy. I would think yeah most of my stuff is GonNa be more touch you so you're writing but you might need to in combination processing dealings processing emotions nations. That are GONNA come up from all kinds of this work. Yeah that's what that therapist needs to be. Therefore yeah you know or really to help the client you know now. The one therapist made the client comments. Say Hey I'm having feelings for you you know. She thought that would be how many women have fall in love with somebody and they're afraid to say I love you so that's a another tip I think is it's okay to have your feelings and if that person after you've explained these are my feelings so you don't need to have the same feelings doesn't need to be reciprocated. I'm still in this if they run away. Well that's their problem. You should be able to express how you feel. I love that I think that's so so healthy. Yeah and then what that does is take the pressure off in the mercies. Probably GonNa Fall in love with you right because that's willing loves is a free but it's not. Why did you say I love you all now? All of a sudden there's neediness codependent by all that stuff. Yeah it's crazy and that's that's the beauty of what I do like the one client who's like I don't have to go out on dates to find one. Maybe one asshole who knows what he's doing. Now you know I no. You know what you're doing and you're not going to become a crazy stalker. Yeah you know so online classes. Have you taken to have you taken. Johnson's does hundreds and hundreds of hours. Yeah really yeah but then again work shopping on a lover or somebody and discovering new things being curious. What does that feel like? What is Oh oh your body just did a thing? What was that? So you're really really exploring. What do you want to get out of this world? I don't want anything out of the world I just want to give back to the world world. Okay but you have to learn like soak in some mice will still adler stopped growing. You start dying. She was reading plays ninety. Plus years ears. People would come to grab her and drive her back to Stella Adler and they talked about how she would just be surrounded by scripts like she's read death of a salesman hundreds of time and she still title reading it trying to get more in there to learn more and that was very that really affected me when I heard that story and have so many friends are in their forties or just waiting to die. They've become fat old. They've they've they've been married. They got their kids. They've got the two cars in the driveway. They have their or they're on their third wife. or or whatever and the thing is I think a lot of them are just waiting to die. You know what next thing so I'm not I wanNA learning keep growing doing and I I encourage everyone. If I'm going to be in a relationship with you. You had better be growing constantly now. What is your feeling about settling down with one person? I the whites here. I'd like to find a life partner. You know we may be ethically nominee. I don't know what that's GonNa look like if we'll do things together as a couple or will date separately we. I don't know but right now I wanna find my person my forever family instill have the life that you have so that person would have to. Oh yeah like okay woman the girlfriend. Yeah I have right now. She loves hearing stories. You know and she thinks it's awesome and it's you know I have to be with someone who's okay with that like if you're someone who doesn't WanNa hear about what I do it's probably not gonNA work. Yeah I have a particular set of skills. They're very unique and it's taking a long time to develop those and I'm still work shopping. Being them on still learning. It makes me really proud that I can do things that most people have never even heard of note. Most people thought were possible. And I I would like to be able to share those things and teach men to be better lovers teach women to be able to own their sexual power if that makes sense. I think we're just going to lighten. Lighten a lot of people.

00:45:01 - 00:47:10

We can talk all day about this. I'd love it. So how do we find it. Mr Dot shot at hush dot com. That's Mr Dot Shaw at Hush Dot COM com. That's encrypted so if you need extra security because you don't want we can encrypt e-mails for you so perfect. Yeah okay looking forward to hearing from yeah all right. Thank you great interviewing. That was very enlightening. I learned a lot and I'm glad he's out there helping people. That's very cool. Yes and thank you Paul for coming. That's really awesome. And thank you for listening. Everybody's out there. Listening in Paul has a new website. Showed you have that. Ah Yes right yeah it. SURROGATE PARTNER DOT CARE is his website so S. U. R. O. G. T. Partner Dot care and you can contact him and see services there so it's awesome good thing. Yeah it's worth giving them a ring. That's right. Thank you everybody for listening and following US on social media. If you aren't already please find us at mouse in weans everywhere as well as on facebook you can join our page or our group which is more of the behind the scenes stuff and then please check out patriae on slash mass. We're going to put some out takes from this episode there that you won't hear anywhere else things we're trying to hide but we're sticking him there so find out even more secrets on Patriots secrets and it's for the VIP members only so you have to pay a teeny bit just the price of a coffee all not to help us pay for our Hosting costs awesome. Keep this going which we would love to keep doing so we appreciate everything you're doing and we will see you on the flip side. Kick you on the flip upside. Davy Jones Brady Bunch! Bye!

Julianne meets Paul Shaw and discusses his fascinating life as an intimacy coach and surrogate partner for those needing to work through overcoming sexual barriers. He is a former born again Christian, but now gives people physical sessions for their intimate issues, their empowerment, and their self-love. Hear a story about clients with disabilities that he has worked with, and what he has to say about human sexuality, psychology, relationships, and healing. This is a powerful episode in which we learn about sex and anatomy, with one of Paul’s goals being to teach men, women, and couples how to communicate and have better more meaningful sex.
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At A Glance:
  1:00 - Introduction
  4:30 - Definition of sex surrogate partner
  7:00 - His background
14:00 - Clientele
22:00 - In your head, into your body (pro tip #1)
25:30 - Insecurities, being in the moment (pro tip #2)
28:00 - Religion & purpose
29:30 - Exploring (pro tip #3)
30:00 - Vulva v. vagina (pro tip #4)
30:15 - Tantric sex
32:00 - G-spot, labia
33:15 - Labiaplasty, porn
35:30 - Orgasm, patriarchy
36:45 - Classes for men
38:15 - Intimacy coaching, trauma
41:00 - Touch and somatic therapy
43:30 - Settling down, girlfriend
44:30 - Conclusion
Song credit: “Love Is A Mess” by Julianne Eggold

Paul Shaw:
Part 2 of this Episode on
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