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mouse and weens

part comedy, part life. A podcast.

Episode 46 - Ding Dong, Hi Mom. It's Not a Doorknocker.

E46  Ding Dong, Hi Mom. Its Not a Doorknocker.
(This is a straight copy/paste from an automated transcription service. We will come back and edit appropriately. But for now, we're publishing just to have it out there! Thanks for your patience.)

00:00:00 - 00:05:06
Hello. Welcome to Mouse, and Weens. Hey, we have fun part two for you guys. This is going to rate this one might push us over the edge. What do you think weans? Edge pushing. Yeah, you you're either gonna love us or hate us after this one. So why well we get into some sex toy talk. That was in we pretty much stay on the sex, toy talk. So yeah, it's it's let a sex toy. Well, it started with the party mass at a party, and I also had my own. Already. So we'll get into that. I'm sorry. If we've fend you we love you. I'm not sorry. You still raised will. Anyway. Yeah. So by the way, I'm I'm the one down in San Diego with the kids and the little stay at home, life and Weiner, swinging Weiner didn't say swinging winner over there. All right. That's us. If you enjoy by. About your vibrator. What all like? Behead. Wait a minute. What happened? Okay. So a couple of weeks ago. My good friend had a one of these romance parties one of these it's like Avon or Tupperware, but it's like sex toys rate, and it saw this lingerie and creams, and lotions and toys, so a bunch of us moms and housewives or whatever got together at her house in this Representative from company came and laid it all out. So laid it laid it all out. It was interesting. No, it was super fun and classy, and she was dressed in came in and had her table set up, and there was wine and appetizers and music, and we all just Chit chatted and got a little drunk and then set down on the couch and listened to the presentation of, you know, starting with the Lucians and moving into the massage creams men, there was the this type of cream. And that type of cream in the know this could be used with this type of toy. And it was just so funny because I knew half of the people there, and I didn't know the other half the people and. And there's all different sizes and shapes and colors and flavors of everything. So it was just kind of. Comfortable yet uncomfortable. So I just kept sipping wine and by the end of the night, we were all just making jokes. And it was all good. But then you sit down with the rep in order your things. So I got a little vibrator. Supposed to come tonight. Although it's funny because I had all this stuff. I had all the staff back when dust new do you? Remember, the story I had my bachelorette party, and it was a sex toy party. So I got this whole basket of goodies. And I was all excited to have my little stash. And I stuck them in my closet like somewhere up in the corner. And every once in a while, Dave, and I would pull some out, and whatever and my housekeeper cleared it all out through. She pulled a sex in the city MandA move. Do you remember? Yeah. She cleared out all of my stuff who what characters. Who is the Kerry? No, no. It was the lawyer. It was her housekeeper. Oh, yeah. I think of her name anyway. Yes. So I have a Magda. Magda cleared out all Miranda, sex toys, that's my situation, and they were gone, and I even went and ordered another one another little rabbit or something and that was gone like seriously that one for like a month, and that one was gone, so now I disappeared. Yeah. Gone now, I have to confront her. No. To she's been my housekeeper for for thirteen years fourteen years, and she's my little abuelita. Like how can I confront her? She's like mom like my little league mega mom in.

00:05:06 - 00:10:01
I don't know what to like she seriously. She loves me so much. She saw me come home for my colonoscopy, and I was kind of out of it. And she cried and hugged me and wouldn't let go David to take her arms around my ways to be like, she's okay? She's okay. We're gonna go upstairs. No. And she was like crying and hanging on me. Like, she loves me. She loves her family. She I think she thinks that's better in fact, Sheva Nome. So we had all these like different books of religion. We had like, you know, the Jewish and Hindu Buddhist and bible, and she like hid or took all of our other religious books and just left the bible there because she's Catholic. Oh my God. Cream? Great planning all of these, you know, ethical and moral. So now, I have to when I get this new toy I need to find a really good hiding place for where's where's your best hiding place for this kind of stuff? New. You got some say do the I would open the hatch. And what do they call that? The attic hatch. Oh, yes. All right, stick it up in their see ours sealed. Shut. We've never opened it because we know built this place and painted it all at once. So we'll have to mattress does she ever gonna there? Good question. The Princess and peas. On your back all night, sleep. Yeah. When are you going to use it just any are you try out or you take it for? Yeah. I guess. Third in the mix. So just can have it hit down between my third and fourth towed. Be like, oh, what's? Of the liquid. He say. No, I care with it. I boy is that arousing. And then after the fear is out of him. Delice kittle. It's a be the room. What's that buzzing noise? I don't know where do you have sit down talk and like plan out. I don't know just bring it who cares. I've always just it's always been a solo thing. I haven't done the whole duo thing before really really after all these years. I mean, I haven't been to. It's just I think I'm getting older. And so takes like longer, right? So. Oh, this is so much information on my God. Mom. No everybody does it. So it's in there just to like have fun. It was part of a party in. Yeah. So why would we even have to explain these things? It's like everyone should use him. Right. Everyone bull. Yeah. I'm shooting. Everyone to do what they want right sex. It would be fun to experiment, and we have so much. Shame in our culture and weird puritanical. Thanks ideas. And people are repressed when you go to other countries, every friend that I have from Argentina our South America or south ever get this like weird here. Yeah. Right. I know I know I guess it is our pilgrim routes or something everything super Christian-based Kathy's. But it's not Dr Tannock UIL. I guess mine is just knowing that we're talking about this publicly. I know exactly who's listening shadow. No, I am pretty much open book. So I think most people now don't you think a lot of people like do, you know, any friend, who's a cool hope? Oh, no. Everyone's pretty exciting. So you're right. That's true. Just don't know who uses them who doesn't like how often early in the average, right San Diego home. Should we do automous poll? Okay. Ever go to our website, go to mouse means dot com. Good contact form. It's anonymous. We will have no way of tracking who says what in you can write in comments about anything in one of them. Do you sect toys? Why did? I stumble over that word Schick coy. Teaming. Wait. So tell me tell me yours sex Toy Story, because I'm sure you've got way more experience it, I do we've been swinging single for many more years. I'm way more like private though than your. I don't talk about this stuff as much right? Do I I don't know private. We have our you have the dildo story. I know that. Mom.

00:10:01 - 00:15:00
Do you throw that in there? No. Can we get there that in? But he go and the road in. All right. We have to interview mom because something happened. She's been here. Visiting my house for how long. It's been eight days. The best days of your life absolutely without fail. That's a lie. But she has had a pleasant time wonderful time, and I've been doing what I like best which is what projects for my child's. Well, my two child's so she's been organizing and put a book show thin and built shoe shells and made a closet foot closet. And yeah, stayed wave is a in pictures and cleaning and tons of everything in its amazing. And thank you. I love you. And now, we're gonna talk about I told her I'm sorry, if you clean out that shed, you might find a ding Dong. Because there was a ding-dong in there. I had gotten. At some point Jenin, Chris my friends than used it as a door knocker. I think it was it was used in someone's you put it in like a strap on type situation because it had a suction Cup on didn't realize there's a suction Cup in so Jenin Chris being the fun friends that they are suction Cup. This the came over for Jackson Browne concert once remembered to say gigantic a gigantic Weiner. For static Weiner, like huge with the suction Cup on the end, which my friends then proceeded to stick on my door in use it as a door knocker where the entered into the house using the giant ding-dong now the sting Dong served. No purpose, except it's been a door knocker. And at some point. It was a little much think someone was coming over. I had two quick throw it so through to cross the way into the shed. So then there was just a ding-dong somewhere in the shed. And they knew that mom I seen it once when I was getting shoes out of there. And I said, oh, there's that dingo it was covered with dust, and spiders, and then I remembered poor mom was here, and I was gone to work, and oh she's gonna find that thing done. So you had to preface my phone call to her with mom. I don't know if you're working in the shed today, but you might find a dusty ding. So then what happened? So I did find it. And it was scary and huge in made out a rubber and golly just. It was so gross along with other things. I tossed it in the garbage can and Jillian comes home for more work. And I told her that I found it and throw it away. She goes, all mom. I didn't want you to throw it away. Because I might send it back down to Jannine Chris in a package, and it'd be a joke back on them. And I go all man. So the next morning Julianne goes to work, and I go out and dig through the big garbage can and find this tingling. Oh, I had on garden. Gloves says he only saving grace, but I can't throw things with my right arm anymore because my dump shoulders. So I picked it out jury. Yes. I picked it out of the garbage. Can would you pick out the dangling? And I thought my trajectory was correct to go over the fence. But it went over the fence. But I thought it went into the neighbor's backyard. So I worried about it all day knees. It twenty five year old neighbors that are in a band, and I've had a big beef with them because they were playing like live concerts in their backyard, which is five for my head. And so I had like shut him down and get the landlord in a made up a fake emails that there was a neighborhood coalition that was all against them. So my landlord would finally believe because he doesn't like me that in. So anyway, they can't have any more aired parties. So they don't like me, that's the point. And then suddenly they get a ding Dong thrust into their yard.

00:15:00 - 00:20:04
So I worried about it all day and then on top of that Julianne. Never has hired anybody to help with the yard. But she hired Louis to come and rake leaves underneath her bushes. And so she got home from work. It was a long day. She was fried. I went outside with the flashlight. I couldn't find a so she was in a panic. Saying Lewis is gonna come tomorrow. He's gonna find the dangling dawn. So I came in very seriously. Julia I said we have a problem. Oh wins. And we have a problem. And so she kinda spun around and thought and our eyes got wide, and you know, could have been a fire earthquake something else, but knows sting alling. And I told her the whole tail and she started laughing, and laughing and laughing. Meanwhile Lewis is still coming the next morning. So she goes to work the next morning. I go back out with everything that I could find a rake a broom everything of flashlight could not find this. There were being alling Dong. So anyway this afternoon on the eighth day. God created. Eyeballs I spotted it. And so I had to go get my garden gloves back on. And I retrieved this. Thing alling on. And so now, I have no idea what do with it. So it's on her back patio. And I'm just thinking that when she's not looking and throw it away again. Where's it right now? They're out on your brick patio. Oh, really? Did you clean it up or? Golly. I'm feeling nauseous after eating Peruvian onions. Sorry, mum. All right. I'm done with the dangling Dong story thinks sorry about that. Signing. We're back. Baggins? So I know you're feeling uncomfortable. Because you know, mom's going to hear this. You know, whatever is it really a door knocker. You're not gonna. So we was it a door knocker. If I told you the real story. Tell me the real story. Okay. Here's a real story. Tell it. All right. There was a point in term. And I was having all this crazy panic attacks. Right. Uh-huh. And so I went to a psychiatrist 'cause I thought I was crazy because they couldn't I went to the -mergency room twice. They couldn't find out any problems. And I just couldn't breathe couldn't breathe. Couldn't even barely one time. I had to take an Uber because it could drive a serious. I was going. And I would call my friend crying going. Good kid. And then. So that was what was happening. It was super scary went to Rome. I would get there. They would me up to and go, you're fine. All your vitals, and fine. So then I went to hygienist after like my uncle's suggested. That maybe it's just like we have a lot of things I eating family or so in went, and they put me on Prozac for six months, and that was weird. My body felt super weird everything was change. So then I went oh, the Ataman. They gave me which is the tranquilizer out of that. Because it's not in as this. All right. It's changing your brain. It's a tranquilizer that you take when you are starting to feel the panic attack coming on. Okay. So anyway. I took this these pills when I would feel stressed which was all the time because I was on the show all the way, we're bringing Christon plead LBJ Johnson. Remember that? Yeah. Yeah. It's all this stuff is happening, and I was working crazy TV show again or HBO show and trying to function that it couldn't all these panic attacks. They kept feeling like they were coming on and have to pull over and after like, meet the director and do all the stuff in it couldn't function. So I would take these pills to everything down. Well, also didn't realize so I just got real loose real fun heaven and.

00:20:07 - 00:25:03
The time when you were okay. This was like. The dating giant the tuna cans. I did a guy that could hold my person with Weiner. And then he ended up wearing my silk panties. I call them. So th panties. Three. Guy from Berlin. Who was Australian guitarist and the so I went to house, wait. Now. I'm sidetracking though. Do you weigh? Much better. I wanna hear about so pennies gogo I went I was also so Lucy, I was just like loose. It was great because I didn't have any. I wasn't uptight. I wasn't getting paying tax. But I also I also did not care about anything. Like my job. I was just like showing up and being crazy and telling stories, and then I was like I kind of feel funky. This is great. I'm gonna go to met some girl at the pancake shop, actually, it was called the red line. It was having potato pancakes. German pancakes by myself in meant this cool waitress who is like, hey, I'm in his band is crazy gypsy experimental band knows like that's awesome. I wanna learn more about the art scene in LA. She's come to this house. That's called H M one, man. It's a house artists live in this Victorian, Dollhouse triumph Victorian house in Lincoln heights. So I was like I need to do more things that are different. And so I took an Uber. I dressed up. It was a sovereign or Dahlie surrealist party address up. So I did this all by myself. Wow, myself because I was forcing myself, but with these Atta vans like whatevs, so I got all dressed up and put like grab some fake berries from you know, like a this berries at Christmas, Holly, berries, and it was like. A stick thing. That was Michael I put that in my hair and holidays in my hair, and the weird drools necklaces and high boots and little skirt and fun weird outfit. And I went to the surrealist party. And that's my ended up to sue many crazy people. And then I ended up like meeting this guy. I was just if attack for the night, I took my camera because it's a good way to just not be so weird and awkward just start taking pictures of people got this thing to do. Yeah. Like, that's what I always shooting. So that's a very very much. But you know, it also is just were it's interesting to me when you taking photos, it's already too. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, there was this guy. He was like he looked kind of like Robert Smith of the cure, but me thirty five or something like that. He's looking he was in. Strokes or something like skinny jeans and mood Sitta, wait. But now sure what the leather jacket was kinda cute. And we started talking we hit it off. And then. So as it goes on we ended up a TB, there's a TV in the backyard 'cause that's normal. Yeah. Yeah. Like, a native American TV, and we end up there. And there's other people in this TB for the people. So we're in this TV. Keep saying. Can get TV. So anyway, I didn't realize you can't mix out gall with these pills. He had Canadian whiskey in his little like foppish prince bag. He was gonna fuck fish prints. He had had astrology accent? But he also kinda was mixed with billon, and he was a musician and Ben called I won't say, but and then he was kind of it was a little bit like small kind of like his is kind of Sterry you get real squinty like he's trying to figure you out. And it was like. Whatever. And then we ended up having Canadian whisky. And then and I decided like I tried not to drink back. Then I was trying like I don't wanna drink anymore. You just want to be pure because I was member that was all the crazy panic attack time. And I didn't know what was what? So I was I need. So do an elimination diet take everything. Yeah. So I didn't drink. I was just doing this Atta vans and everything that was little bit better. But then screw it. And then drink some Canadian whisky with him at some point. I don't remember whole lot except somehow the conversation became the EKO hold things up with his Weiner. Okay, did talk.

00:25:03 - 00:30:01
I don't know. How it got it up ever light of it, except I said what about this naked news? I yes, let's see. It was like. When it was like alright. So getting a bunch of people well this now he went behind the washing machine. Oh, like the house washing machine the corner. It was still outside kind of. But then I was like are do it. And then had to concentrate any pulled out of the part of his Weiner. And then puts his good on it. And then he held up the napkin with his waiter. Does it take a picture fees? So then I took a picture any picture. Oh my God. If his face is cut out posted. Yes. Okay. And then I was like this is inap-. Good was like, can you? Hold them this first, girth news. Yes. Right. So do this. And and I gave him this. I there was some piece of for round. I don't know what it was his piece of her. And then he put the. This week here. And I was like, but could you hold up my purse like, I don't know. But I would have to concentrate very hard. And I was like, well, you better start concentrating. 'cause I don't think you can do it came. It was like all right. Let's see it. And then he's really had to look around. And then he was super hard. He was concentrating hard. And then lo and be an a hand in my Burs Lobi old somehow something happened, and it got stronger at bigger, and then he blew my red handled president hat like Cloyne 's lipstick a wallet myself own alleged, please electric and Ville in the blue. He put it on you raised his hands and their hands. We that's cheating 'cause you extra leverage them. No, I think he just like in his little purse. Face pursed lips in the win. Percy rule. Harn? To get the joke. I amid. Took it. So then he did that and did it and I said, oh, that's great. And then. We went back to the so passer-by in this backyard. My walk around and go, okay, there's the laundry center, and then they see these little hands up in the air the flesh. Leipold? The glint of red purse being released levitating. Yeah. Well that is a good purse. Yeah. They thought it was just a surreal dully trick. Maybe maybe you could have actually gotten away with it at this party. Oh, I got how have you told me this? This is. How do you haven't asked me this? This is I'm supposed to be on the head. Have you ever hung a purse Otago's Dong? Lading? Nobody asked me don't tell this one. But yes, so that happened. And then what it was so dramatic from the beginning. This is when so when I was on those pill. I was like a whole person I can handle craziness and drama or something. I was just like experimental and weird. So then we went back at the TV somehow we're in the again, and then he goes, I need to go talk to my drummer. And then I and then he went and he disappeared for a long time. So what is he doing? And then I went and I saw him talking to another girl on the couch. And it was like oh this bonding. I thought it was something all that Weiner hanging saying nothing to him and the Joe my friend, and I was from Michelle Angeles and. And. We went and just we just left because we were it was the end of the night, and until we're going to get in a car, and I see this like Robert Smith of the cure running down the street. Lizzy white don't go why show cow reading towards the card. I was like we're leaving, please. No, let me get your number. Wait. No. Oh. Mosaic and it was gonna piss see. And I think I just got in the car and left, and I I don't know how he found. Megan this part. I don't remember. But. Dramatic. Then did he jump into taxing follow, you know? But the next meeting it was dramatic. It was a met him down at the echo park lake. Okay. I don't even wanna get candidates fast forward to the panties.

00:30:02 - 00:35:00
Because this is the part. But it was it was crazy like Rowen three months relationships of just intense every day. This is what you know. This is the unhealthy relationships when you link up first of all a guy that holds your person as we don't you don't cook that for news last name yet because. You know in order. Wow. You know, what I didn't catch his name soy plugged them in my phone as. Just in Longhorn because it could be here as name that wasn't as name it. All. It turned out to be something else. I will not mention totally wasn't that name that I was like Justin longhorns. No. Getting better and better person. Yes. So anyway, okay. Cut to a million dramatic stories. One was like we breathed each other's air for a whole half an hour and a barn three each other's air underneath a jacket overhead. So it could be dark that was what wait then I this part of that experiment that if you just stared each other breathe understand everything was this. Have you heard? No, there's some articles and study that if you just stared each other for long enough with no words, then you'll understand things. Anyway. All right. Okay. So that's not weird. It was all right. So he was renting a room at a house because he lived in Berlin. But who's coming out here to LA to do some gigs or something? So we rented a room like sublet thing. And I am I gonna house he would always come to mind, and then I went to his room, and there was like a bag on the door with the budget silk panties. And then they're so panties on the floor. And I was like his dry cleaner. A way we know this happened. Okay. A week before he was at my house, and he was worrying Panton his belt as men sometimes do and. Somehow there was like a shiny of glint of shine coming out from the base of his back when he was standing up just like a shiny would be like if you were in a Filkins fish. Yeah. A little glisten Clinton, and that can be and I looked closer in a go. Those my panties goes what this I know that I pulled him up out of like a wedgie style. Paintings like get borrowed him. Well, I just needed. I was like why are you wearing my pants? I just you know, needed some did Burro in the night, somehow know blame the end of it again somehow. I was like, okay. I guess he just had a moment. Find his pants Bubba. When I when I went back to his house that was when I saw the bag on the door. So that was like a few days later. There was the south painted on the door and panties all over the floor. And then it was at what is going on. It's not what you think. I'm not seeing anyone it's I enjoy the feel of Soka my skin. Kink? So most kick some go to Kim to that. Then in forever. His new name was not yet among corn. It was so painting. New. Oh my God. So how long do this continue? What was the the conclusion of this tale all out was? I just was like, gee Nodar. Okay. I get it. Sure. Yeah. You played along. Like, it was fine. Shame cat tried to step on the computer telling you. She is she wearing so pennies whenever I tell like something's intriguing like let it do something. She keeps. All right. I know the cat. Okay. So soak panties. So anyway, let's just say that that one briefly ended then. And then. She was she had the great comet. She was like I go. I don't know. I don't think that things gonna work workout. She was like, it's not a relationship. It's a circus. Dick. See exactly to Jim rogue sideshow. That's what it sounds like the guys that could lift weights with their Weiner Heyman. And oh, Lordy. I keep finding these like Dems, entertaining people. Now, this is LA. I'd love it. This was a phase.

00:35:00 - 00:40:01
I had that I hit the weed. The weed collective guy. Remember, the apothecary trenchcoat, man. Pheasant furious. Fast and furious. Study in the new head. I don't wanna talk about this. Really it sound. Let's hussy. No, period. Listens. No, we've all had. Oh trips. But I will just go back to the story because I know some people who said it's annoying if we don't finish stories, but it this is crazy. But I mean embarrassing so, but who cares because that's where met right now. Anyway, that was one of the few of the interesting guys. And but it realized it was partially from taking that Adam any just did not care. I just was going it took away the part of the rational brain. Right. It really did and which I did panic attacks. But the now you've probably can't continue it took away any of the rational judgment. I was on the show all the way there's a scene where they have one of those aqua cars that goes from land into the water. Sandy miss and the whatever by reading waters, and that's where there's this lake and. I was on the clock. And I decided as a great idea to go swimming in my close by the hawk would car, and I would never do that on the job. Weird disney. Yeah. Or as mouse would say, yeah. Her getting really excited, but that was last level. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. So for some reason, I thought, oh, I don't need any guys. I'm just going to go and get some vibrators sex toys. There was a place down the street from my house, which has been there for years. Never went. There. Didn't think about it? And I just decided I would go by it's like all figured out of my own and I went, but the thing was no Russian all thought involved a ton of stuff. That was like what's this? What's that? What's all? I spent six hundred fifty dollars at that store. Andi sounded like Carol Channing while you can't with Channing. Thanks. Well, what she big word watch. Rog with got your view. Skin tissue by pushing. Just kidding. That's terrible. She is not here with us anymore. Can you say that word? Oh, yeah. Not safe for work. We're all good. And then I went to the psychiatrist purse or whoever was prescribed at that point. It was someone else in remember. But went to the doctor. He goes, by the way reminds me of that doctrine, thirty rock, Mr. Timman. Who's just like, oh, yeah. Do I have a degree? He was like, by the way. Don't you anything? Crazy. I mean, don't don't do anything. Like, don't spend anything you're known to go on spending sprees on these drugs and don't sign any contracts. Don't get married. Don't go to Vegas. Don't do anything like anything. You're gonna wanna do a lot of a rational things. And I was like something you couldn't tell me yesterday. Ding, dongs one of them was a on door knocker which it's the size of a small dog. It's huge. And I didn't realize because I don't know what I'm doing. It was part of a strap on. So that's why it had the second part. Voted on one whole other device would probably another four hundred. I didn't even know as a part of that. So I just didn't what is this. I would stick it on my window. It was too big to do anything listed you. Hang your purse on it because that would person. And done done with that story. So love you as ING see I've been cold sweat. Sorry. Mom. No happened. Hey, you know, we're grown women. It's okay. We are. Okay. This is our big layman it so. So how many times have you used a vibrant or ding-dong dildo? No, you know, what we are out of time. We are fifty one. We need for you. Up. We'll do to just keep recording. We'll do per too. But we need to cut this now. So we'll say goodbye to our friends and family. PTA members are teachers coworkers and bosses we love you don't judge us. You'll have twinkies goodbye. All right.

00:40:01 - 00:41:10
Thank you. Everybody for listening. Please sure. To follow us on social media. Everything is mouse, and we Twitter Instagram Facebook. Join our Facebook group, it's a private group. That's where we post more behind the scenes pictures. Little video clips extras things that you're not gonna get elsewhere. Right. Yes. Facebook can Rupe? Need to be part of the group. And then you can talk about us, and we promise not to join and you can just riff just just go for it only. Nice. Thanks only. Nice things though. Otherwise, we'll remove your comments. Anyway. Thank you. We. Linnea? Genius. Penis. <music>?

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