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mouse and weens

part comedy, part life. A podcast.

Episode 34 - The Seance

Catching up, Mouse (Joelle) talks about what it’s like to be “out” to her friends in person and on Facebook. It is great but scary, and she has had to apologize for telling stories about certain people, though she tried not to mention people by name. There has been an uptick in downloads, so she is thankful everyone is listening!
 
We introduce this episode by explaining its poor audio quality. We did a Zoom.us call with our mom and were not pleased with the outcome. The tracks weren’t recorded separately as we thought, it was hard to hear each other, and our phones were all cutting each other off. So that is why we keep talking over everybody in this episode, and we are sorry! But we felt that there were some good stories and even though we talked about scrapping it, we decided to publish it anyway. We hope you judge us on our other episodes’ audio quality and not this one. We need the stars and love, please! We’re delicate, especially Mouse, the naked mole rat in the corner!
 
We are on the phone with our mom, Joyce Carter, our birther! Weens (Julianne) announces that we came out of her vagina, but mom had to correct her and remind her that she was a slice and dice baby and born via c-section! This launches us into our birth stories. Mouse was born on mom’s birthday, even though the ob-gyn had her due date set ten days earlier. Mom claims she held the baby in!
 
A stutter of our names, “Jo. Ju. Jo. Ju” reminds Weens that mom calls us each other’s names and has done this all of our life, until she finally lands on one of our names! We also were named J names like our mom, Joyce, and our dad, John, along with our pets Jasper, Jumper, Jellybean, and Jake. We lived on a ranch that our parents named “The Flying J Ranch” complete with chickens and a cow named Oscar, that our parents finally brought home in the form on a hamburger. Our mom won’t admit this and wants to erase this memory, but we both remember the story that Oscar was turned into dinner by the “hamburger fairy”! (Fact Check: Oscar was owned by another ranch and lived down the hill from us. We would stop and pet him on our way back and forth walking to school. He was very sweet and would jog over to the gate and lick our hands. Eating Oscar may be part of why Weens is a vegetarian, and Mouse has recently sworn off beef and pork too, because of cute cow and pig videos!)
 
Back to birth stories: Mom was in labor with Weens for 36 hours. Uncle Bob, a doctor and our dad’s brother, flew up to Northern California from San Diego to help. He ordered a portable x-ray because the baby was in fetal distress and mom was exhausted. The x-ray determined that Weens was gigantic, and there was no way our petite mom could have delivered her vaginally. So they performed an emergency c-section, and Weens was born with the largest chest (16 inches) of any baby in California Kaiser hospitals. (“Guess what, honey? Still setting records!”) She was 11 pounds 9.5 ounces, and 23.5 inches long.
 
In her hospital bassinet, baby Weens was humongous and already propping herself up on her elbows and amazing the nurses who had never seen a newborn do that before. Mouse teases that she was like a newborn movie baby that is actually 6 months old. And Weens reminds us that she was basically Ted Brogan in the Saturday Night Live sketch starring Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch, popping out as a newly born, fully grown hairy man who left his Seiko watch back inside the birth canal! Mom explains how the newborn clothes wouldn’t fit Weens when it was time to take her home, and that she had to send someone back for 3-month-sized clothes. (Weens “walked out wearing Bob’s shorts!”) And now Weens is wearing clothes that are tiny to try to look more model skinny, like little Japanese girl sweatshirts, but people just think her clothes shrunk! Joelle wonders if she looks like Chris Farley doing Fat Guy in a Little Coat.
 
We both apologize to mom for ripping her up and when Mouse teases that at least she didn’t leave scars, Weens throws it back that at least she was a planned pregnancy! It’s true: Mouse was conceived after the slip of an IUD. Mom says these intrauterine contraceptive devices were not perfected then, so Weens asks if they were like a tin can on a string or something! Mouse remembers mom writing down the phone number after watching an informercial about an IUD class action lawsuit from the 1970’s, so pressed and found out that she was a mistake, aka God’s plan! (Fact check: read about The Dalkon Shield, which DID look like a tin can on a string! There were many lawsuits against the makers, causing them to go bankrupt, take the device off the market, and inspire the FDA to require testing of medical devices)
 
Weens feels sorry for calling Mouse a mistake, and blames it on seeing Bodied, a battle rap movie produced by Eminem that put her in the mood for calling people out. She performs her version of a rap, which turns out to be a little on the cringey side, a la Robin Williams or “George W, the CEO of Kaiser”.
 
The reason we have our mom on the phone all the way from cold, 45-degree Idaho is to detail the séance that she and Weens went to while she was visiting. A coworker of Julianne’s, Elizabeth, arranged the séance with a famous psychic medium, Patti Negri so they went up into the Hollywood hills to this white witch’s house. She is on a lot of TV shows and was going to The Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel after their venue. She is known for summoning Michael Jackson. They were there along with 10 other people – 13 in total! The house was eclectic and pretty, much like Patti, and they began by chanting and ‘lifting the veil’ between the two worlds. Then people began to receive their messages.
 
The first thing that mom connected to was her parents and “country music”. After Weens screamed out Wayne Newton, we sorted out that it wasn’t Wayne Gretsky, but Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson that she was thinking of! Then Patti kept patting her cheeks, which mom connected to a jaw surgery that she had that our grandparents visited for. They appreciated that our mom talks to them every day. Next Patti moved her hands back and forth horizontally, which mom connected with a knitting machine that grandma used to knit socks and sweaters for all of the kids. Grandma and Grandpa said that they liked mom’s hair, which used to be brunette but is now a lot lighter. Weens likened it to Janet’s hair on Three’s Company (Joyce DeWitt) becoming Jane Fonda’s hair from Grace & Frankie. She ended it by saying that they are a sweet couple and that they support our mom and loves what she does very much.
 
Mouse wonders what the feeling was during the séance in general, especially having been raised in a religious home. Many people think it is voodoo or black magic or evil. But mom explained that it felt very positive and protected and there was nothing scary or satanic about it at all. Mom feels that once you have someone you love who passes over, it all makes sense and that you can still communicate with them but they are just on a different plane. And this medium made sure that they all felt comfortable and explained that nothing bad had ever happened in one of these seances. Everyone there was encouraged to take pictures, record, and post to social media. Mouse explains a scene from New Amsterdam when they explain to a little girl who is dying how it might be to communicate with her parents. It is like sitting in a chair across the room with your back turned away from them. You can’t see them but you can sense then and communicate. Mom concurs and felt that it took her parents a little while to settle in on the other side, and that she herself had to go through a grieving of losing them here in this physical earth. But once all that settled in, they began communicating very comfortably daily. Mom encourages everyone to read about Near Death Experiences and to open their minds to this other way of thinking.
 
Weens wasn’t very assertive bringing up our dad in the séance even though she wanted to connect with him because she knew that mom had controversy with him. (Fact check: our mom and dad were divorced before he passed away in 2000) Weens also forgot to bring a physical item of our dad’s to help channel him, so instead conjured up a happy memory of dad riding a moped with her around our neighborhood looking at Christmas lights. So Patti Negri and the group chanted his name to call his spirit, and the first thing that came through was his love of nature, which is so very true about our dad. Then a memory of a Christmas tree came to the medium, as well as the word ‘balderdash’. This was an important connection because our dad was on a game show called “Take My Word For It” which was the same premise as Balderdash, a game where people have to guess the proper definition of a word. This was telling because our dad always wanted to be successful as an actor on TV, and also because we used to play Balderdash during family game night. Then the medium kept repeating ‘pushing, pushing’, which couldn’t really be connected at first. But during this podcast recording, Weens realized it must have been the fact that dad had to jump off the back of the little moped when going up hills in our neighborhood and he would push it up the slope instead.

The last few memories from the séance was the fact that the girl next to mom saw a green orb on her phone. But when she moved her phone and looked to the area in real life, the orb flew off her screen! Another person’s jazz musician husband who passed away came through on a Ouija board with chalk and it drew a 16th note over and over itself. And another person’s friend who had passed away from cancer drew a heart, which is exactly what the attendee was wishing she would draw. We will post all of these photos and audio clips on our Facebook Group.
 
We then launch into a story about the afore-mentioned moped and the night Mom cock-blocked Mouse! One night when Mouse was a freshman in high school and Weens was a 6th grader, two popular freshman boys stopped by our house to hang out. One boy wanted to go for a moped ride with Weens (word must have gotten out about her hot ride!), and the other boy stayed back and hung out on the couch with Mouse. She had a huge crush on this guy and couldn’t believe it when he leaned over and started kissing her! Right in the middle of their passionate embrace, Mom came down in her silky nightie, burst through the closed living room door, and announced, “Hi! I live here!” This poor kid flew off Mouse and landed a good 5 feet away back on the couch as if nothing had happened. The night ended as did the love affair. The boy never gave poor Mouse the time of day again even though she loved him from afar for the rest of her high school career. Mom doesn’t recall this story but does remember a friend of Weens who gave her bad vibes so she wouldn’t even let him in the house. Her intuition was correct and this kid ended up in prison. Thanks for always having our back, mom!

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